All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
