You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
