i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
