the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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