i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
