I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
