i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
