dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
