Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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