turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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