Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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