I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
