So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
