fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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