is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
