So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
