If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
