In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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