Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
