so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
