The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
