My room smells like vodka and shame
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
