his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
