just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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