i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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