I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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