My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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