he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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