So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
