There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
