i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
