great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
