I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think people are normalizing furries
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
