Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
