I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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