I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
