took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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