I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
