I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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