meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
