That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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