she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's official drugs can't kill me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize