does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can tuck mytits in my pants
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Randomize
