So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize