why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
