3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
