Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
