Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
