I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
