His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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