he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
