this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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