i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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