I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Randomize
