then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I intend to get homeless drunk
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize