I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
