I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
