seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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