People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
