Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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