I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I faked an abortion last night.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
