We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
