You're completely useless in the revolution.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
