I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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