I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
