Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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