dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
