Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
