She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
