Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
