I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize