Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
