I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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