Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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