New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
