she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
